The Power of Giving Love.
Hello!
Today’s blog is the last one of my series on self-love. I will wrap this up by focusing on what it means to give love to yourself and others.
When you love yourself, it is easier to give love to others. When you give love to others, it is easier to love yourself. They are interconnected, and showing love will make self-love easier.
Giving love means love is active, a verb that requires action. It involves being less judgemental and critical and offering more compassion, kindness and empathy. Even if you think a person doesn’t deserve it, especially if this is the case.
I’ve seen the Dalai Lama speak three times, and each time, the most profound thing he said had to do with love and compassion and how nothing was more important than giving both freely without expectations. He stated that offering love and compassion to your loved ones and close friends was pretty easy, provided that you're not mad at them. He feels that the ultimate spiritual challenge is to offer both to individuals you don’t particularly like or someone who may have deeply hurt you. He believes this is how we heal and make the world a better place. I’ve been deeply impacted by his teachings.
I’m not saying that you need to spend time with people who are consistently unkind; it’s probably better not to have them in your life if this type of behaviour is consistent. You can, however, work on forgiveness and wishing them well, even if they don’t deserve it.
When you are upset with someone, whether it’s someone close who hasn’t stayed in touch or let you down, the idiot driver who cut you off, or the person taking forever in a line-up, how do you respond?
Do you feel hurt and betrayed if the person is close, impatient and irritated if a stranger seems to be ruining your day? These negative emotions are a part of everyday life, and of course, you will experience them throughout your day, sometimes very intensely, but make sure these feelings are not your default and are short-lived.
So often in life, even with our loved ones, we have no idea what is truly happening with someone. The loved one who didn’t follow through or let us down might be struggling with depression or having significant financial challenges. The driver that cut you off or is driving too slow may have just lost their job, or just received the news about a loved one’s serious health issue.
So, instead of having those knee-jerk reactions of negativity, pause and think more loving thoughts: “I send you happiness. I wish you well. I hope you are ok.” Our emotions have energy, so why not send positive energy whenever you can?
Being angry, bitter, critical, impatient, hateful and judgemental does not feel good and giving love to others has numerous benefits both for the giver and the recipient. Research highlights several advantages of expressing love and fostering loving relationships, including better stress management, improved immune system, lower blood pressure, longer life, quicker healing, and a positive impact on mental health.
The most potent example of the impact of giving love I’ve ever heard was on the former CBC radio show called “Out in the Open.” The host, Piya Chattopadhyay, interviewed a man named Daryl Davis, and he told his story of how he befriended members of the KKK. The fact that he is a black American makes the story even more compelling.
Daryl Davis is a blues and R&B singer and activist who lives in Maryland. He has influenced over 200 KKK members to turn over their robs and leave the Klan. He was motivated by trying to understand how KKK members could hate him when they didn’t know him. Instead of approaching them with anger, he listened and treated them with kindness and respect. Once he gained their trust, he provided them with facts to debunk their ill-informed racist views, which eventually lead to them leaving.
Scott Shepherd was deeply embedded in the Klan after joining when he was 16. He eventually became the Grand Dragon and fully credits Daryl for helping him leave the Klan. He stated: “Daryl is black and he is showing me love and respect and he is one of the races that I really condemned.”
I don’t know if I could ever do what Daryl Davis did, but I am inspired by his actions that align with the Sanskrit term Metta, that means love, goodwill, benevolence and loving-kindness. It also means caring and wishing well for another being without judging them and accepting them altogether.
During my morning meditation, I send Metta-loving kindness thoughts to my loved ones and the universe. It makes a huge difference to how I feel for the rest of the day.
Metta, takes practice and something that you need to commit to every day. Start small, and be aware of how you feel throughout your day when interacting with strangers. Instead of allowing judgement and anger to take over, practice stopping the negative reactions and silently wish the person well. If the cashier at the grocery store is unfriendly, ask them how their day is going, and wish them a good day. This will likely soften their mood, which will impact everyone else that they deal with for the rest of the day.
Giving love to others enriches relationships and deeply impacts your physical and mental health, and improves your overall quality of life. It contributes significantly to personal happiness and societal harmony. Let LEAVE PEOPLE WELL be your mantra.
I hope this series on self-love has inspired you to be more loving to yourself and others. Did you write a love letter to yourself? Are you finally putting yourself at the top of your to-do list? Do you realize how awesome you are?
An open heart flows and attracts loving things. A closed heart constricts and attracts despair. You choose.
Much love and deep grattitude.
Anita
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