No Complaints!
Hello!
My delightful Mother had a surprisingly upbeat attitude, given her experiences during WWII in Holland. She was far from perfect and had her moments, but overall, she laughed easily, danced often, had No Complaints, and loved her family more than anything. If you asked my Mother how she was, her usual response was, “No Complaints!" She embraced the concept of Gezellig, Dutch for light and upbeat.
My sister Margaret and BIL Tommy had the above button made for Elsa’s wedding, and each guest received one. It was a lovely way to remember Mom because she would have been thrilled to see her granddaughter getting married and would have stayed on the dance floor all night, showing off her unique moves.
Speaking of complaints, have you ever tried my Mom’s philosophy of No Complaints? Try not to complain for a day; it is impossible; even letting an hour go by without complaining seems insurmountable.
There is an epidemic of constant complaining happening. Are you aware of how much you and others complain?
Why do we complain so much?
I wish my Mother were alive today to answer this question. She wouldn’t have provided a profound response and probably would have said that people who constantly complain were “idiots.” In addition to “No complaints,” “idiots” was another of her favourite responses.
In Will Bowen's excellent TED Talk “A World Without Complaining he explains the five reasons people complain so much:
G-get attention
R-remove responsibility
I-inspire envy
P-power
E-excuse poor performance
I would add to his reasons that people use complaining as a social tool to connect with others, regulate their emotions, and express anxiety. I feel that people who talk, gossip or complain too much do so because being silent is uncomfortable, and being quiet with others and their thoughts will make them very anxious.
Bowen also mentions in his TED Talk that, on average, a person complains between 15 and 30 times daily. He states that complaining rewires the brain for negativity and makes you look for and attract problems. Constant complaining negatively impacts you physically and emotionally and can take years off your lifespan.
It's important to distinguish between the different types of complaining. There are helpful and unhelpful complaints:
Helpful complaints
If your computer or phone is not working, or you noticed that your hydro bill is triple what it usually is, these are appropriate complaints. You will need to speak directly to someone who can resolve your problem.
Advocating if you are treated poorly at work or in relationships is also important.
And, now and then, a good full-blown rant can be therapeutic because you release what upsets you. The key is to ensure that your rants are not a daily event.
Unhelpful complaints
This is when you habitually complain about everything;
It’s too hot.
It’s too cold.
I’m so tired.
I was cut off.
The lineup is too long.
I ache everywhere.
She was rude.
He was rude.
They are rude.
I’m too busy.
I have no money.
I’m alone.
Why is this happening to me?
We’ve all had these moments, and occasionally complaining is not the issue; it’s when it becomes a bad habit that you should be concerned about your well-being.. Or perhaps you are having a rough time and might think, “Of course, I’m constantly complaining because everything in my life sucks right now.”
Remember that constantly complaining about the things that are not going right in your life will never provide you with a solution. You may need to complain for a bit to become clear about what you are unhappy about, and then you need to ask yourself, what can I do about it?
If complaining regularly is your default response to life, you will find what you’re looking for and become a magnet for negativity. There is no space for solutions if your mind is cluttered with negative thinking. Do you ruminate about the past or experience a lot of regret over things that you did? Are these thoughts leading you to resentment and anger?
How to stop complaining so much?
Awareness.
Try a little experiment for a few days, pay attention to people’s conversations (yup, you will be eavesdropping) on the bus, in a café, or at a party, and notice if much complaining is happening. In addition to seeing the amount of complaining around you, tune into your thoughts throughout your day and note how often you complain.
2. Find healthier outlets for frustration.
Journaling. The trick to effective journaling is to write about the problem and your feelings about it, and then brainstorm solutions and see the positives in your situation.
Exercise. Exercise releases endorphins, which reduce stress and improve your sense of well-being, so you’ll feel happier and less likely to complain.
Meditation. A regular meditation or mindfulness practice allows you to still your mind and discover what you are primarily thinking about. It also is a great tool to destress and calm down any anxiety you may be experiencing.
3. Focus on gratitude and appreciation.
The more you focus on being grateful and showing appreciation for what is going right in your life, the more positive experiences will come your way. End each day thinking about the things you are grateful for, and over time, you will view life from a more positive standpoint and will have fewer things to complain about.
4. Take action.
The urge to complain comes from dissatisfaction and unhappiness with something in life. Consistently complaining can be a signal that action is needed. So, the next time you feel like complaining, focus on what you can do to change your circumstances and then do it.
5. Let minor irritations go.
It’s hot out; the grocery store lineup took forever, and they didn’t have lemons. Annoying, yes. Is there a need to talk about it when you get home? Nope.
6. Don’t participate.
If you find yourself in a complaining cluster, don’t take part in the complaining, and if you are in an environment where complaining is normal, put up a sign that says Complaint Free Zone.
Complaining is habit-forming and destructive. Deciding that you will never complain is unrealistic because you must occasionally express frustrations. Focus more on minimizing your complaining and maximizing your gratitude and appreciation for life. You will feel happier and lighter and will notice a difference in your stress levels and quality of life.
Be well, and I wish you No Complaints!
Anita
DISCLAIMER: The information on County Yoga Loft’s website blog is for general health care informational purposes only. All information on the site is provided in good faith. However, it should not replace consultation or advice from a physician or other healthcare practitioners. The use or reliance of any information on this site is solely at your own risk.