Love Thyself!
We are less than a week from Valentine’s Day when school-aged children anticipate the number of Valentines they will receive, and romantic partners often exchange gifts and make florists and Hallmark much money.
I admit that I like to give and receive gifts on Valentine’s Day, and this celebration's consumerism somewhat influences and annoys me. I’m also reminded that all of this is far removed from the origins of Valentine’s Day, which began as a day to honour Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine.
There are many kinds of love; Romantic Love receives the most attention on February 14th, but what about Unconditional Love, Familial Love, or what we really should be focusing on, Self-love?
Learning to love yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. If you can’t love yourself, then you can’t honestly know love and, therefore, fully experience loving others or be able to receive love.
Given how important it is to love ourselves, why do we struggle with it so much? I don’t know the answer to this, but when I’m self-loathing, loving myself seems too much of a stretch, and I worry that I’ll come across as arrogant, self-centred or narcissistic. Yet, I know that I can love myself, take good care of myself, and have a high sense of self-esteem without presenting in any of these negative ways.
Do you love yourself?
Take an honest look at your life, and you should find some answers. Are you living the life that you genuinely want to live?
What do you tell yourself all day long?
How often does your self-critique raise its ugly head? The things we say to ourselves can be horrible, and we would never say these things to others. Do any of these sound familiar?
I’m such an idiot.
I’m so stupid.
I’m fat. I’m ugly.
I’m too……….old, broke, uneducated, unlovable……
I can’t do anything right.
I can’t believe I said that, did that, forgot that.
I don’t deserve happiness or love.
That’s for everyone else, but not for me.
There is far too much heartache and nastiness in the world that we have little control over. However, we can control how we live our lives and what we tell ourselves all day. Can we give ourselves a break and commit to stopping this destructive self-talk? Work on replacing these negative thoughts with ones that are more positive and loving;
I’ve got this.
That’s ok; better luck next time.
It might be for the best.
What can I learn from this?
I am at peace with myself.
I am a valuable human being.
I appreciate who I am.
I value myself as a person.
My future is bright.
I deserve to be happy.
What do you do if someone compliments you? Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you downplay the compliment by saying things like “this old thing” “or “It was nothing,” or do you change the subject?
Accepting compliments by simply saying thank you is a form of self-love. When you feel more comfortable with compliments, you can embellish a little and say something like: “Thank you, it makes my day to hear that.”
Other ways to give yourself some Self-love:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
We spend far too much time on this. Focus on yourself and your journey.
2. Don’t worry about others’ opinions.
Like comparing yourself to others, don’t worry about what others think. It’s impossible to make everyone happy, so focus on making yourself happy. This is a loaded topic and one I plan on writing about in more detail in a future blog.
3. Allow yourself to make mistakes.
Nobody’s perfect; everyone makes mistakes. If you’ve made a mistake, own it, and then move on and learn from it.
4. Your self-care is non-negotiable.
Think enough of yourself to ensure that you take good care of yourself by exercising, eating well, and ensuring that you sleep well. Be kind to yourself in all aspects of your life. Be unapologetic about putting yourself first -when you do this, you will have the energy to help others.
5. Don’t be afraid to let go of toxic people or situations.
This can be challenging if you live with someone toxic or work somewhere unhealthy, and you can’t leave the job now. If you are in a situation like this, all the more reason to focus on your self care. Overall, work on spending less time with people or in situations that are not good for you. Some relationships are not meant to last forever. It can be very liberating to make a clear decision that the only people in your life are there because you want them to be and not because of obligation. If a relationship is consistently draining you, and I’m not talking about a friend or family member going through a hard time, then let go, or at the very least, create some space.
6. Process your fears and negative emotions.
Don’t ignore these feelings. You don’t want to dwell on them but aim to understand them so you can do something about it.
7. Trust yourself.
If you commit to taking time every day to still your mind, whether doing yoga, meditating or going for a silent hike, you will become well acquainted with yourself and what is going on for you. This level of connection to your inner voice will help you trust yourself and be more comfortable when making decisions.
8. Embrace life.
Take every opportunity life presents you. The timing will rarely be perfect for you to take a big step. Life is short, so take risks and live your dreams.
9. See the beauty in the simple things.
If you make a conscious effort to notice the beauty around you; the blue skies, the sunrises and sunsets, the goregous trees, and the beauty by the water, you will train your brain to notice more beauty.
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If you feel stuck in a cycle of unloving thoughts about yourself, you might need some support for this and consider therapy. I mentioned in an earlier blog how I was dealing with anxiety and negative thinking last spring and obtained help from a free online 12-week CBT therapy program in Ontario called MindBeacon. The intake process is intense, and you will not be eligible if you have complex mental health issues. I never met my therapist, and our communication was via messages on their site. This format is not for everyone, and if I were in terrible shape, I wouldn’t have found it helpful, but I know that it prevented a downward spiral, and for that, I am grateful.
Please speak to a health professional if you are experiencing debilitating symptoms of depression or anxiety.
At the end of my morning meditation, I send loving kindness thoughts to all of my loved ones and this one for myself:
May I be Happy
May I be Healthy
May I be Safe
May I know Peace
Having a rough time and struggling with negative thoughts about yourself is normal. You want to ensure it is not your primary way of thinking and focus on consistently minimizing the negativity you let in.
If you don’t have a romantic partner with whom to celebrate Valentine’s Day, celebrate yourself. Buy some flowers, get a massage, or spend a day at a spa. When I was single, I always bought myself flowers and if I could, I’d pamper myself by getting a facial, massage or pedicure. Extend this celebration of yourself every day.
What do you do to love and celebrate yourself?
Sending love.
Anita
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