Here’s a loaded question-What Do YOU Want?
“What do YOU want? “I was stunned the first time someone asked me this question. “What do you mean, what do I want?” I was so confused and what was most telling was that I couldn’t answer the question because, at that time, I had never given any consideration to what I wanted in my life and what was important to me.
When I think back to that time, I’m amazed that I was that disconnected from my SELF. However, I shouldn’t be surprised as I was on medical leave because of a depressive episode and working through some trauma with an astute therapist who posed this question.
With help from this compassionate and brilliant therapist, this question and this moment were the beginning of my healing journey.
It took another year of therapy and hard work before I could confidently answer this question. It was liberating to finally understand that what I wanted and needed was not only my birthright but essential to my well-being.
Since then, what I want has been something I ask myself regularly, especially when I’m in a funk. I also ask myself, why? These two questions ground me and get me focused and moving towards my goals.
What do YOU want is a loaded question and, sadly, something many of us don’t bother to ask ourselves? Maybe you’re like I was and have never thought about it or grew up thinking that you shouldn’t want things because it’s not nice, people won’t like you, or they will think you are greedy. Screw that nonsense. Everyone has the right to live the life of their dreams. EVERYONE!!! If you want a great life, it’s not time to think small; you must think big and dream big. You will not inspire people if you are poor, sick and negative. If you are healthy and abundant, you can be a fantastic role model and help many people, especially yourself.
If you are not in the middle of a significant crisis and your basic needs are covered, take a moment to ask yourself, “What do I want?” Be prepared to feel strange, uncomfortable and perhaps unworthy to ask yourself such a question. These reactions are normal, but if you are not clear on what you want in your life, you’re likely not to achieve the life you want.
Most of us have no problem entering the exact address of our destination into our GPS or ensuring that our waiter understands the dishes and type of wine we wish to consume for a meal. You don’t tell your GPS, “surprise me, I don’t care where I go,” or say to the waiter, “you decide; get me anything on the menu.” Unless you have no plan and are entirely open to whatever happens, you won’t arrive at your destination or have the meal you desire. So why are we okay with being so unclear about what we want in our lives?
Whenever I’ve been clear on what I want, it’s happened, or something better has come along. I’ve manifested the exact jobs I wanted, relationships, houses, unforgettable experiences and our fur babies. These things happened because I was precise with what I entered into my GPS and followed a clear plan on how to arrive at my final destination.
Whenever I’ve been unclear, scattered, or confused, those were the exact results I received. I’m experiencing this at the moment. I’m not suffering from existential angst, but I do feel hazy about a few things; plans for my business, experiences I want to have and when we will be 100% retired. At the moment, I do not have answers to these questions and need to take a step back to help me sort through it all.
Do you have a hard time figuring out what you want, setting goals, and moving forward? It can be tough to know what we really want, and it’s essential to take the time to contemplate and self-reflect to obtain some clarity.
If you need some guidance, please consider some of the questions below. I’m focusing on a few of them to help me map out the rest of 2022 and decide how I want the next few years to unfold. These questions will help you sort through the clutter of thoughts and facilitate a plan for your life.
What makes you happy?
We all want to be happy. What does that mean for you? When I feel happy, I’m calm, grounded, and experience joy and eudaimonia-having meaning and purpose in my life.
What you want is almost always connected to what makes you happy.
What are your needs?
Remember Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? It’s still relevant and an excellent guide to ensure your needs are being met. According to Maslow, some needs come before others. The most basic are food, water, shelter and safety; next are social connection and self-esteem. Maslow suggests that these needs need to be satisfied before reaching our full potential. Are any of these needs missing in your life? If so, what can you do to acquire them?
Meeting these basic needs is directly connected to our well-being.
What are your values?
Becoming clear on your values and their importance in your life can provide excellent guidance because they can act as a compass. If you are pursuing or are involved in things that don’t match your values, perhaps it’s time to make some changes. Knowing what we value can point us in the right direction.
I find it challenging when thinking about values because they can seem so abstract. After reading this article, I found a value list, and some resonated with me. I created a list that will guide me when making decisions about what I want.
At the moment, my values and core traits are:
Abundance
Adventure
Community
Connection
Family/Friendships
Freedom
Kindness
Love
Nature
Respect
Security
Spirituality
What don’t you want?
This is a simple way to galvanize focus. Most of us (including me) can easily make a long list of what we don’t want in life because we spend most of our time talking about it. Make this list, and then make another list with the exact opposites, and it will become clear what you want. And then, keep your focus on the wants, not the don’t wants.
Example:
I don’t want to struggle financially. I want to be financially free.
I don’t want to have poor health. I want a healthy body and mind.
What are you passionate about?
What activities light you up? What are you involved in when time has no meaning? Do you feel good when doing things for others? Are you excited when being creative? Is having a sense of purpose fulfilling for you?
If you had no limits, what would you be doing?
We often don’t allow ourselves to figure out what we want because we don’t think it is conceivable or will ever happen. If what you want is important to you, trust that you’ll figure out how to get it. It may take time. It may take hard work. It may also be worth it. Put together a plan and believe in possibilities.
Who do you admire? Who are your role models and mentors?
Maybe you admire someone who has impacted the world in some meaningful way.
Why do they inspire you? How did they do it? Maybe you don’t want to do what they have done, but your appreciation can provide fuel for your passions.
How do you envision your future?
I find it helpful to think about what I want to be doing in the future. Knowing where you are going is very motivating. Take a moment to imagine your future self in 1, 5 and 10 years? What are you doing? Who are you with? Where are you? What is happening? Hopefully, everything you are imagining are things that are going to make you happy, and you are involved in your deepest desires and passions.
Where are you now? How can you ensure to get to that future self? What are your next steps? What is your plan?
Maybe you have no problem coming up with the things you want in your life, and you have a long list of 20+ items and feel so overwhelmed that you don’t know where to begin. Welcome to my brain.
Prioritize. What is most important? If you haven’t been taking good care of yourself, I would start with working on extreme self-care because if you are not feeling well, other things won’t matter or be even possible. Or pick one want, create a clear plan and be consistent with following it.
Be kind to yourself and patient, and understand that worthwhile and important things can take time. Align yourself with what you want by redirecting your energy and thoughts. ACTION is the final ingredient to making things happen.
I’ve been feeling more aligned with my goals and desires in the last week. Long walks and taking time to appreciate the beauty this time of year have generated some space in my cluttered mind. Creating my value list has helped, and when I was feeling confused and unsettled, I purged and cleaned. The other day, I purged some clothes and cleaned the windows, and I could see out the windows and a more precise direction for myself. The energy shift was noticeable.
Remember, YOU ARE WORTH IT! Tell me what you want, what you really, really want!
Peace & blessings.
Anita