Are you REALLY listening?
Are you REALLY listening?
To your body.
To your thoughts.
To your intuition.
To others.
When you are over-scheduled and overwhelmed and don’t take time to be still, you will be out of touch with what is going on with you physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Your Body
Our bodies are brilliant and can recover, recuperate and regenerate when we care for them. It will also let us know when to slow down and rest and often gives us little nudges that are indicators that we should take action.
As we age, it’s normal to feel some aches and pains, particularly in your joints and back, and we must do what we can to alleviate them or prevent them from getting worse.
So how do you know if you are experiencing just regular wear and tear of an aging body or something that needs further investigation? You can’t always know for sure, and I always think it is best to air on the side of caution. If it turns out to be something serious, you’ll have a much better prognosis if you obtain an early diagnosis.
In the last two years, I’ve had a couple of experiences that illustrate this perfectly. During two different lockdowns, I experienced pain that I ignored until I could no longer ignore it. They started as little tinges of nerve sensation, and I ended up with severe pain in both situations. The issue with my glutes and hip flexor took me to the emergency department on two occasions. Luckily, I recovered with the assistance of physio and pain meds, but if I am not careful, both areas can get reaggravated. I know my experience would have been less dramatic if I had paid attention to those little tinges.
Lastly, I experienced a level of fatigue that I hadn’t for years last summer. This time I listened, saw my naturopath, spoke to my doctor, had some blood work and was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disorder. After a few weeks of some dietary changes and supplements, I felt fine.
Your Thoughts
Do you ever pay attention to the voice inside your head? What do you tell yourself all day? Do you berate yourself or encourage yourself? Do your thoughts inspire you to pursue or stop a goal? Awareness of the endless loops of thoughts can be life-changing. If most of your thoughts are full of anger and resentment, I can bet that you are not very happy in your life. If this is the case, once you have this awareness, you can slowly start working towards thinking more loving and caring thoughts about yourself and others and what you really want in your life.
Your Intuition
What is intuition?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines intuition as “The power or faculty of attending to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference.”
Intuition is also the way the subconscious mind communicates with the conscious mind. It’s an inner voice or a gut feeling that I feel is connected to the divine or what I like to call our higher self. Getting quiet and listening can provide us with incredible guidance to know if something feels right or wrong. It can direct us to call a family member because something feels off, end a relationship, move, quit a job, find the courage to create our own business or go back to school. Sometimes an intuitive feeling is so strong that we will make a quick decision about someone we just met or quickly remove ourselves from a situation because it doesn’t feel safe.
We’ve all experienced this feeling and know it well. We recognize that sometimes it can be wrong if we make a snap judgement; we also know how often we ignore our gut about someone or a situation and later wish we hadn’t.
An intuitive feeling is more likely to be gentle and subtle, which is why calming the mind is the only way to access it. Occasionally we might have a strong, visceral reaction to something, and it will feel like being whacked on the head.
Do you feel you can trust your gut? Do you pay attention to your inner voice?
If this is not familiar to you, it might be because your mind is far too full of the responsibilities and stresses of life for you to notice this usually quiet voice. It takes practice to connect to your intuition. Becoming quiet is paramount, but so is bringing awareness to what is happening to you physically. Why are you feeling butterflies, goosebumps, shivers down your spine, or what is causing your breath to become shallow or rapid?
I know for me, my signs are my gut, breath and energy. If something feels off, I feel nausea, my breath will increase and my body becomes taut. If something feels right, my breath is smooth and regular, I don’t feel any weird sensations in my gut, my energy will be almost manic, and I’ll likely start dancing.
A great way to train yourself to become more intuitive is to practice being still and quiet and notice your breath and what you are feeling, and no matter what comes up, be with it.
Others
Are you a good listener? When someone is talking to you, are you trying to understand what they are saying, or do you think about your response? I would think most of us are in the latter, not because we don’t want to understand the other person, but because we want to be helpful.
More than a month ago, I felt irritable and impatient because I wasn’t taking great care of myself. I lost count of how many time’s my husband Ben said: “can you let me finish?” He could barely get a word out, and I would interrupt and go on and on. I was rude and also felt that I couldn’t stop myself. I got thinking about it more, and realized because I wasn’t making time to be still and quiet, my mind was too full to take in any new information.
We all do it, interrupt, and we have had others interrupt us. It’s a standard part of a conversation, but it’s annoying when we are constantly interrupted. I’ve been trying to understand why it is so common and have come to a few conclusions:
Occasionally, the interrupter is a self-centred narcissist and is not capable or interested in hearing what others have to say. I spend very little time with individuals like this.
The interrupter may have ADHD, or maybe they’re on the Autism spectrum, and it’s challenging for them to stay focused, and they need to interrupt to slow things down.
The person we are listening to is struggling with something, and we want to offer some advice or suggestions. Again, we interrupt them to share our experience with the issue to be helpful, when it usually isn’t.
Our mind is overloaded with too much information, and we can’t possibly take in what someone is saying to us before we burst. We feel that we have to say something, so we interrupt.
Overall, I feel that I’m pretty good at listening and try not to interrupt, and I have noticed a direct correlation between my stress level and how much I interrupt. If I’m doing too much, spending too much time on my devices, and not taking care of myself, my mind is like an overpacked suitcase and will explode if I add even one more item.
Try to spend less time talking and more time listening. It’s hard if you are a talker, and it takes practice, but you will feel less stress and become a better listener. Next time someone talks to you, listen to understand and forget about responding. If you do say something, make sure you are acknowledging how they are feeling; “sounds like you are frustrated, or I’m sorry this is happening,” or ask for clarification; “ I want to see if I have this correct; you are feeling such and such, because of such and such.”
Most of the time, the other person wants to be heard and validated for their experience. If they want you to share your experience and want specific advice, they’ll ask. People appreciate being listened to, and it’s nearly impossible if your mind is cluttered with thoughts, worries and stress.
A still mind can hear the smallest of whispers.
A calm mind is a creative mind.
How can we listen better to our bodies, thoughts, intuition and others?
By finding time every day to still the mind. I try and meditate every morning and find it has enormous benefits for me, but if meditation is not your thing, what about finding 10-15 minutes every day to calm your mind by taking a silent walk, going for a swim, or watching the sun set? Any activity that will bring you into the present moment will suffice to create space between your thoughts so that you can hear.
Please share your experiences with listening.
Be well and stay tuned to your surroundings.
Anita