I’ve been thinking a lot about hope because I’ve been feeling rather blah!!!  I’ve been working on this blog for more than a week and have been procrastinating big time because my motivation, along with my hope reserves, has been low.  I’m coming out of this funk and finally had the energy to publish this blog on this critical and timely topic.

My first memories of this concept called hope come from my mother and her optimistic view of life.  She was born in Amsterdam, survived the Nazi’s invading Holland during WWII, and moved to Canada in her early 20’s.  She had some struggles with English, but I was always impressed that she taught herself to speak, read and write in English.  She had several sweet sayings that often-caused uproarious laughter amongst my siblings and me.  Such as:  “I’m so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open from closing them”- when saying I’m tired would have sufficed.  If she disapproved or felt that someone was messing things up in their life, she would say, “There is no hope for the hopeless.” Always in a lighthearted way with a big smile.  

There are many ways to interpret her cheeky saying, and now, I see its literal meaning-if someone is hopeless, there is no hope.  It’s not the most positive or inspiring thing to say, but it does impress how challenging it can be to dig yourself out of a hopeless pit.   

Hope is as necessary for our survival as water and air.  Hope will get you out of bed in the morning when you don’t feel like it.  Hope will prompt you to see your doctor when you are not feeling well.  Hope motivates you to be in the world.  Hope fuels your goals and dreams.  And as Martin Luther King once said:  “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope”.  

Given the whirlwind of uncertainty and isolation that we’ve all been experiencing for almost 2 years, hope may be hard to find.  Does this latest lockdown make you feel like you are suffering from social malnutrition? Are you feeling impatient?  Apathetic?   Wondering, “when will this end?”  

Consistent hopeless feelings and thoughts can distort your thinking and take you down a rabbit hole of complete despair if you don’t take a step back and consciously start reaching for better feeling thoughts.  

How To Find Hope?

Feel it all.

Take a moment to be with your hopeless feelings.  Sit with them.  Talk, write or draw about them.  Get it all out and get clear on what you are honestly feeling.  

Does any of this sound familiar?

·      I’ve tried everything already, and nothing works!

·      I’ve done everything right, and things still suck!

·      I have no motivation and just don’t care anymore.

If any of these resonate with you (they certainly do for me), you’re probably feeling pretty stuck.  

Take a step back.

It’s essential not to deny how you are feeling.  But, once you are clear on what is going on for you, take a step back and be an observer of your feelings and not a participant.   Is it possible that your thoughts may be distorted or inaccurate?  Is it true that everything is pointless, nothing will change, and there is nothing that you can do?  Is it possible that by remaining in this hopeless state, you don’t have to do anything, make any changes, and therefore won’t be disappointed if things don’t go well?   

Sometimes all we need to do is acknowledge that we’re having a rough time and simply let time pass and resist the temptation to overreact and aggravate the problem. 

What if the opposite of what you are feeling is true?  If you find this to be too much of a leap, then try nudging towards more positive emotions.  

Even though you may have very valid reasons for feeling hopeless, you always have a choice in how you respond to your circumstances.  It is disappointing that we have to pivot again after pivoting so much that we have collective vertigo.  But does it mean we have to put the brakes on our lives?  

In the last few days, I’ve deliberately shifted from feeling hopeless about things to feeling disappointed, and everything seems a bit more manageable.   

Get out of your head.  What can you appreciate right now?

As much as I support figuring out what you are feeling, I also think it’s essential to get out of your head to prevent the destructive negative loops from spiralling.    Purposely having an attitude of gratitude will generate feelings of warmth, and it may take some effort initially, but once you get started and have some momentum, you’ll be presently surprised by all the good in your life.

Be kind to yourself and others.

Nothing is more important than your self-care.  How’s that going?  Are you being kind to yourself through self-care, including your thoughts?  Did you start 2022 with a long list of resolutions that a team of 10 couldn’t accomplish?  Are you in a funk?  Make it simple. Focus on the basics to maintain good health; sleep, movement, nutrition, and connection with others.  Avoid the numbing crutches; too much alcohol, comfort food, screen time and destructive thinking. 

Can you ease up on the judgements of others?  Can you reach out to anyone struggling or do something kind for someone in need?  Doing acts of kindness can dramatically affect your mood and outlook.  Kindness triggers the release of serotonin, so it acts as an anti-depressant.  

Stay connected, especially when you don’t feel like it.  

Our social circles have become very small, and it’s more important than ever to stay closely connected to your family and friends.  They are your lifelines!  In the last month, what has saved me is a family zoom gathering on Christmas day, chatting regularly with my lovely sister, having a delightful face time chat with my daughter Elsa-something that we both agreed to do every Sunday, and going on long walks with my pooch Peggy and dear friends.  And of course, my husband Ben is my superhero of strength and support. 

Schedule these interactions regularly.  If you chat regularly, you don’t have to talk for 3 hours to get caught up; you may only need a quick 15-minute check-in, something far more manageable.     Be proactive and reach out, even if you are always making the first move.  

Do Something. 

If you feel out of sorts and find it hard to shift towards feeling better, do something.  Don’t wait until you feel more hopeful to act.    Commit to simple things-shower as soon as you get up and refuse to stay in your pj's all day, immediately make your bed, go for a short walk every single day.  Move, move, move!

Focus on Inspiration.

You can find inspiration in books, movies, music and other people’s stories.  Be diligent in staying away from the black hole of social media and insist that you don’t expose yourself to back-to-back episodes of Criminal Minds.  No good can come from this. 

Look for role models who have found solutions. Many people have overcome tremendous adversity.  Reading their stories and surrounding yourself with supportive messages and people can help you build hope.

Take some time to recall how you overcame struggles in the past.  Especially think of times that you rose above seemingly insurmountable difficulties.  You may find a renewed faith in yourself when you think about these victories.  

Turn to your faith. Your faith can be a strong ally in holding on to hope. 

Seek professional help. 

Having a few bad days is normal, especially now.  But if you continue to feel out of sorts for a few weeks and find that you’ve lost interest in regular activities, then this state of hopelessness could be a symptom of a mental health issue, like depression.  Talk to someone, a close friend, family member or your family doctor.  

Let hope guide you.

We don’t know how 2022 will unfold, as much is beyond our control.  We know that how we respond to uncertainty is on us, and we need hope to keep going.  

After the supportive and encouraging chat with Elsa, I started to feel better.  I rejigged my routine, arising at 6:30 am to meditate before Peggy’s morning walk.  Every time I go outside, I feel a positive shift in my mood.  I’ve acknowledged that I need more sleep and I’m going to bed as early as 8:30 pm some nights.  I’m hitting my yoga mat more frequently, but for shorter periods and focusing on slower, deeper postures like yin and the leg’s up restorative pose has become my best friend. 

A quiet acceptance that things are far from where we would like them to be will give us a sense of peace, knowing that this too shall pass.  

Be well.

Anita

I